Macaroni being made
make it rain
I like the booty, oh what a booty
my inner-monologue throughout the entire movie
SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER.
GET SOME FRUIT.
BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT.
BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.
PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES.
NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER.
YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE?
TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARCORE MOTHERFUCKER.
I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER.
WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’
IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT.
NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE.
TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT.
Calm down, Karkat
Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.
Walk into the library like whatup i got a weird cock
the yahoo staff are being scary
14 reasons people should stop hating leonardo dicaprio
1. He dances like this at parties
2. He can do this with his face
3. He quit smoking 3 years ago like a badass
4. He loves his family and mama a whole lot
5. He also fucking loves his dogs and animals in general
classy as fuck
6. He uses his fame wisely. He is extremely devoted in animal, wildlife and human welfare and charities, like the WWF, and encourages his fans to petition and donate with him. Leo helps save tigers and elephants and whales and more. He donated a fucking million dollars to Haiti. He had a giant birthday party, but all the guests had to donate money for wildlife efforts. When he won his ONLY Golden Globe for The Aviator, in his speech he urged the audience to contribute to the earthquake relief at that time. He is currently taking a break with acting to rest and to focus more on this stuff. He is a fucking green superhero
that is a candid photo bitch
7. He has been besties with Kate Winslet since Titanic, he even made a ring for her, and he spoils her kids. Kate’s ex husbands are all scared of Leo because Kate loves him so much and he could probably beat them up if they ever hurt her and they should get married but that’s a whole other damn story just look at them
ps kate says of all her sex scenes she does in films (like a lot) she liked working with him the best. damn girl just friends?
8. He has also been besties with Tobey Maguire since they were little kids and they are such dorks
9. This picture
are you not in love yet
10. He grew up in a shitty ghetto area of LA surrounded by crime and drugs, so he vowed never to get involved with that stuff. Have you seen a mug shot of him? Noooo
11. Lol when his hair gets too long he wears a fucking headband
12. He’s ironing on a fucking roof
13. The fact that he always fucking walks like this
he just loves to walk okay
14. He is just a classy, suave motherfucker
15. Also as serious as he seems most of the time, he used to do photo-shoots like this:
this post literally just cancelled all the unexplained negative feelings i had for leonardo dicaprio
are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
a musical entitled “may, senior year” filled with hits such as:
“i never knew you wanted to join the military”
“why are you getting married”
“that’s an awful tattoo”
“what am i doing for the rest of my life”
“how will i afford deodorant in college”
“why can’t i graduate already”
“why can’t i graduate already (reprise): why am i graduating already”